Carolines on Broadway releases its final funny holiday card

Carolines on Broadway — the Times Square comedy club that just announced that it’s closing on January 1st after 40 years — has sent out the final installment of its famous irreverent holiday card.

It begins, as it does every year, “May the holidays bring …”

Highlights this year include: “A Taylor Swift song about how Ticketmaster did her wrong,” “An exit strategy for Nick Cannon’s penis,” “Gisele [Bundchen] deflating Tom [Brady’s] balls,” and “Jada [Pinkett Smith’s] husband exercising a little more Will power,” “fewer men having a say about a woman’s right to choose,” and “a good dentist to wire Ye’s mouth shut permanently.”

They also paid tribute to those who were lost this year, with hope for “Bob [Saget] and Gilbert [Gottfried] regaling God with their raunchiest versions of the Aristocrats,” and “Sainthood for Betty White.”

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Nick Cannon and Betty White make an appearance in the jokes.

Getty Images for The Recording A

Betty White Portrait Session

Nick Cannon and Betty White make an appearance in the jokes.

Getty Images

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The club’s owner Caroline Hirsch recently announced to the New York Post “I did not renew my lease. New Year’s Eve will be our last night.” She explained, “My landlord felt they can get a lot more for the space.”

The legendary club has seen A-list acts like Jerry Seinfeld, Billy Crystal, Jon Stewart, Joy Behar, Jimmy Fallon, Michael Che, Robin Williams, Conan O’Brien and Larry David.

Hirsch, who also helps produce the New York Comedy Festival told the Post, “This is heart-stabbing for me. I love my staff. I love my comedians.”

Carolines on Broadway.
Carolines is set to close January 1.
Getty Images for Ms. Foundation

But it seems she has some ideas for the futures. “I see this as not the end of Carolines, but a new chapter continuing to produce world-class comedy,” Hirsch said.

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